


Death beyond the Walls

by Death_beyond_the_Walls



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ... a huge one...., .....so yeah perfect mix right?, ....and drama, ....and yaoi...., ....well...there is a lot of swearing in it, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Character Development, M/M, The Last of Us - Freeform, jeanmarco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2245413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_beyond_the_Walls/pseuds/Death_beyond_the_Walls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is it.<br/>This is the end of humanity.<br/>He was sure about that. </p><p>I mean, be honest, who can you trust in a broken world.<br/>A world where you have to be scared of your own kind.<br/>A world where only the strongest survive.</p><p>Nobody, that was the correct answer. In a world like this you are better off alone...<br/>Jean was sure about that, at least that's what he thought.<br/>Till he met Marco, one of the only people who have still hope in humanity. Was this guy really serious? Did he think that there is still something to fight for? </p><p>"I won't trust him. I can't trust him. Don't get me wrong, I wasn’t paranoid.<br/>No-<br/>I just did trust humans as much as I did trust Infected.<br/>And that was the reason I was still alive…"</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>A story about two boys trying to find a way to a better place in this world.</p><p>JeanMarco - "The last of us" AU:<br/>It's not required to know anything about the game "The last of us", everything is explained in the story which just plays in the same world as the game "The last of us"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I am still alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Recommended soundtracks you can listen too while reading:**  
>  The last of us OST (of course) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBQ8FBfhvsE  
> Journey OST (really good): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3hFN8UrBPw
> 
> **Recommended 8tracks Playlists:**  
>  (we tought we might recommend playlists on 8track wich we think might fit to the mood of the characters every chapter. The idea was to give you a bit of the feeling the characters have while reading this story. If you choose to listen to Jeans be prepared for a dark mood. Marcos is...well....marco.)
> 
> Jean: http://8tracks.com/bertholdt-bodt/i-lose-my-mind  
> Marco: http://8tracks.com/himealaya/we-are-young

**“Trust is won not given.”**

\- TOBSHA LEARNER, The Witch of Cologne

### 

Vienna Medical institute, Vienna, Austria Year: September 2018

The conference room was stuffy to say the least, along with tensions running high between the people in this drab, white room with a round table in the center surrounded by rolling chairs. Board members from various medical fields and countries sat around the table listening to presentations given to weary doctors from all around the world for there so no specific field of expertise in this certain case. 

The board currently had their dull eyes on a couple, presumingly in their early 40s. Both of them were your average looking people, brown haired, brown eyed, average heights and built for a man and woman, they each had glasses framing their eyes, and there were freckles spotting the woman’s cheeks across to her dimples. 

She was the one speaking now, with clear, intellect speech, and although their resumes said they were from Italy, there was a barely a spot of accent in his English diction. Obviously they were well read, and educated, but that didn’t mean anything when combating a disease virtually unknown.

“…Cordyceps Brain Infection started and boomed in the United States.  
The fungus, which is causing the infection, grows while the host is still alive, taking away their higher brain function and with it, their humanity, causing the infected host to become hyper-aggressive. It’s the first stage of the whole turning process and starts anywhere in between the first and second day of infection.  
Stage 2 starts anywhere in between 1-2 weeks of infection. The fungus starts to grow over the head of the infected, infection will eventually scar their face completely, causing them to lose their sight, resulting in them developing a primitive form of echolocation to compensate.  
Stage 3 starts anywhere in between 1-2 years of infection. Over a very long time, they will eventually develop hardened fungal plates over most of their body.  
Stage 4 starts anywhere in between 1-2 decades of infection. If the fungus kills the host, the host's body will grow stalk-like fungal projections which release infectious spores. The infection can also be spread through bites from living hosts. Hosts can only be infected while alive, as the fungus is unable to infect dead bodies…” 

The woman kept clicking the remote she was holding while talking, showing pictures of the Infection and its stages on her presentation. She took a big breath before continuing.

“… Africa, the Asian continent and the European Nations all agreed to cut off any connections to the American continent trying to avoid getting in contact with the infection...but still it managed to spread over to England in one short year. The first case is still unknown since there was a surge of patients diagnosed to the symptoms at the same time, but by then we knew it was too late,” The woman click on her remote again and a slide on the projector showed a map of Europe with red dots mapping out the infected.

“Already in these 4 years the disease has captured most of Europe, starting from England over France down to Spain and Portugal and up all the way into Switzerland, at an alarming rate. Before we know it Germany and Austria will be occupied—“  
She was cut off by one of the board members, an older man with his stomach protruding nearly out of his tucked in shirt. 

“Erhm, thank you doctor for explaining details we are already well aware of, but please do skip us the stalling we’ve already seen hundreds of presentations the same as yours.” 

The male doctor put a hand on her shoulder and spoke up, “What my wife is trying to get at although there seems to be no probable cure to such a destructive illness, we believe we have the best research plan to—“ 

This time a woman with white hair as wiry as her glasses interrupted, “False hope. We’ve heard enough of this nonsense in the last few months.”

“But ma ’me,” The woman doctor stepped forward, more eager than before, “My husband is a brain surgeon and me myself specialize in the heart and circulatory system, we are perfect people to administer to test subjects and formulate a plan.”

“Test subjects?” the woman broad member mocked, “Monkeys, rodents, cats…We had it all. This is not new science.”

“What about a human?” The man doctor answered with a deadly serious look on his face. 

The whole room was silent, every broad member were chilled to the bone to what they just heard. It wasn’t as if it hadn’t occur to anyone to use a human test subject for experiments this early on in the testing process, but to actually speak it out loud was a societal taboo. 

A younger male broad member, somewhere around his late thirties, with red hair and pepper undertones stood up from his chair and slammed his hands on the table in a wit of fury, “Are you crazy!? A human?! I know you people are desperate to be in the city where it is safe and all, but Jesus Christ we are not one of those things! We still have our brains, our humanities!”

“Randal, calm down and look at this from a medical stand point, honestly what other choice do we have?” A woman sitting next to him with dark skin, and curly black hair responded. “Let the doctors finish.” 

Randal shook his head with the outmost defeat, and muttered, “What happened to a morality standpoint?”

The elderly man board member, ignoring the younger’s remarks, continued with his own question, “And where on earth are we going to find such a willing participant? Who isn’t scared to death of turning.”

“We already have one, a young man, no extreme medical conditions, who was willing and signed off…if that is you allow us to precede farther actions and with the right founding we will not disappoint,” the woman doctor spoke, as her husband support every word at his side. 

They looked over the offered documents, the primary plans for the testing, the young man’s consent, even budgeting. Everything was there write in black and white. It was almost too good, but much better than half-assed plea bargains they had been receiving. 

The older woman made an exhausted huff, and glanced at all the tired face of his colleagues, “All in favor, raise your hand now.”

The sight was one to behold to the doctor couple as a majority of the hands where in the air. Some going up slower than other’s as the contemplated their own moral judgments, but in the end morality was something of a healthy world and this world was plagued with doom. 

“It’s settled. We will make more talks of the plan, but it will be put in motion. We will not allow any of this information to leave this room. The world is not ready for something as scandalous as this,” 

He paused, and looked straight at the doctors, “Don’t make us regret believing in this false hope”

“Trust me,” The woman said, pushing the power button on her remote to turn off the projector,

“This nightmare will soon be long forgotten.”

### 

2 years later, Winter, Trost District, Germany 

Trost district was made 2 years after the pandemic started to spread its deathly touch across all of Europe. As a safety protocol put in forth by the UN, a giant wall was put around the still unaffected areas, which at that time started from near Amsterdam (Netherlands) through Germany down to Austria and parts of Italy, back up north over Hungary, Slovakia and the west- plus middle part of Poland until it reaches the Nordic countries. Somehow the Nordic countries weren’t as much damaged as other countries in Europe. Guessing from that they were much safer than District Trost was or ever will be since it was located close to the wall.

Still, people called Trost one of the safest places in Europe due to the high improvement on their security system due to the position of the military. It was one of the last places within the walls which had at least some of what you would call “humanity” left; no riots, no murder for food, no infected, just people who try to live on as they did before and survive…together. That’s why they named it “Trost” which means translated from German “consolation” to make the people feel save.

That is, however all my parents told me.

My name is Marco Bodt and to be frankly honest, there is nothing special to say about me. I am just a 20 years old boy on his way to Trost. 

Actually.

There might be one “special” thing about me…

_…I am still alive._

I was starting to feel really uncomfortable being surrounded by all these abandoned buildings, standing like eerie shadows, and the grey sky casted over my head didn’t make me feel any more secure. The farther I walked into Trost, the more silent it became. I can’t really remember how long I’ve been traveling now, how far I got, and why I am still alone, but the whole thing scared me to be honest. There was no one around living, and it seemed like I was the last person on this planet. 

Loneliness was embedded in me from the beginning…I just wished for someone, anyone to be by my side. What I didn’t know was I was going to regret that wish soon.

I continued walking through those empty streets, feeling my pulse rising with my walking speed, which was rapid due to my fear and my thoughts about being alone forever with nothing but my thoughts. Soon, I was running without even noticing. I kept running and running and running, I wasn’t even sure where to but I didn’t want to stop, I was scared of what was behind me or what wasn't behind me.

What halted me from my exasperated sprint was when I “met”, a substitute for running blindly into, him.

“Ouch-“ 

I heard a loud noise and snapped my eyes again to see cans rolling around on the ground in front of me. I looked confused at the ground, watching them rolling around, not quite sure what just happened until I heard something I was never expecting, a voice. 

“Shit!” The word echoed the empty buildings next to me. I couldn’t believe it, was it really, could it be--? I realized how silly of me it must have been to get excited over a shout of profanity. 

I felt too embarrassed to even look at the one in front of me, so looked down at the ground, noticing the cans were going to roll away. That’s when it hit me.

“Oh-!” I quickly bend over to pick them up. “I-I’m so sorry!” Trying to get a glance of the other person, yes person! I looked up. 

“I didn’t see you and –“ But instead of a face my eyes met the shining blade of a knife. That picture didn’t last long as in a snap of light I was flipped around. The other person pinned my arm behind my back onto my backpack and I felt the cold blade send shiver on my throat. It was only naturally that I didn’t even think about struggling, right?

“I’ll slice your throat, I swear it,” He snapped. “What are you a part of a gang? Come here to nix me and take my supplies? Over my dead body you, asshole!”

I gulped and tried to swallow my fear as my mouth went dry. My legs were shaking and my arms were numb as I raised them and shouted, “I surrender! I have a backpack and supplies in there, there’s not much but you can have them! Just don’t hurt me!” 

Suddenly I felt a pain in the back of my legs and I toppled to the ground. That guy had a really mean kick to match his voice, so when my eyes glanced up I was expecting to see a thuggish, sneering grin. 

But instead my eyes went wide as they met the other ones. He was less threatening looking, and more silly looking to be honest than I had pictured him in my head. He had a long face that correlated with a slim, lanky body. His arms packed a few muscle, and were spotted with dirt. But for sure the weirdest part was his hair, which was bicolored. There was a bleached layer on top and a darker shaven undercut layer. He was probably one of those rebel kids that gave their parents a ton of grief, by the looks of him. 

I must have stared at him for more than I should have….. I mean....I was afraid of THAT guy? Really? He looked more- well- how can I say it- `cute’ than scary. 

I have to admit, I let a small smile out due to my thoughts. The other man gave me a questionable look with his hazel eyes.

“What the hell was that just now?” He spat, his facial churning in an irritated expression. “Didn’t I say ‘don’t move’, you are damn lucky I didn’t kill you for that!”

“I---well, I remember in crime movies and when you are in a stick up you should always put your hands up and offer what you have and your mugger will leave you be.” I answered. I think I watched about 3 of those types of shows with my dad every day before dinner. 

He spit out a bout of laughter, “Oh my-….Fuck…” and covers his forehead with his hands. I remember that people in the internet made a meme about that with Spock from star trek-…what was it again? Oh yeah- a “FacePalm”.  
So… he was pretty much Facepalming himself.

“How are you not dead yet?” he asked

“Ahh, luck?”

“A shit ton of luck, obviously.” 

And with that he started to ignore me, collecting his food cans from the ground. So I started to help him but he seemed unpleasantly surprised when my hand met his.

“What’s your deal, man?”

“I’m not trying to steal this from you, honest. I only wanted to help,” giving him a light, polite smile to round up my statement. He just shrugged. 

“This is a lot of cans you have here, hibernating until spring?” I asked while looking at the dried peaches in my hand.

“You really are dense...” He rolled his eyes, “I’m storing up for the winter, it’s safer not to handle this terrain when it’s so deathly cold. Any human, would die of frostbite if they started venturing now.” 

He was walking now, and I started to follow him.

“Oh…I didn’t know.” 

“Tch.” He looked at me over his shoulder while he kept walking. “You’re a wanderer? Haven’t had people coming to these parts in a long time...” It seemed like he eyed me again before he kneeled down in front of a locked gate, placing his cans next to him and started to pick the lock on it.

I watched him, because it wasn’t like I had something more interesting to do. Standing behind a guy who was picking the lock on a house which seemed like a supermarket felt bizarre. But it didn’t seem like anybody would still live in this place anymore so it wasn’t wrong, was it? ..Right?  
I decided it was best to not think about it for too long.

“Well, actually I am on my way to Trost because my parents told me that it was the savest place to come, and since I lost them— I thought that they’d be somewhere around Trost district.”  
He laughed, bitterly which made me feel insecure again. 

“What? Did I say something wrong?” 

“You are hilarious. Trost? Safe? Ha ha that’s a good one.” He didn’t even look at me still trying to open the gate. “Trost is history, and if your parents where there they might be too.” 

There was the sound of cans dropping on the floor again once again because of my doing. I let go of the ones I was holding, not even realizing that I lost them at the moment. 

It couldn’t be-…No… That- That couldn’t be true. How was that even possible?  
My hands started to tremble. We- my parents and I- we were having this conversation just some weeks ago. How can it be that a whole town, the safest of all of them, is suddenly “history”? My mind couldn’t handle this information at this moment everything went into a blur till a voice pulled me out of my terrible thoughts.

“Hey- Hey I-I mean...they COULD have headed north to the safe zone already, that’s where I’m heading.” He finally managed to open the lock on the gate.

“The safezone?” I started to feel less tense and started to calm down.

“You really are obvious to what’s around you, aren’t you? Uhgh-” He pulled the gate up and kicked the cans on the ground inside which seemed not as easy as it might sound like. “Damn this is heavy. Give me a hand with that” 

Without even thinking I helped him lifting the gate up, continuing the conversation.  
“That’s not it, it’s… It’s kind of complicated to expla--- Argh-”

What the--- The guy just let go off the door without any warning, forcing me to hold the whole weight. He went inside the garage and I heard a lot of loud noises. I couldn’t see him anymore but luckily I still heard his voice.

“Complicated?” he said while moving something inside. It sounded like it was heavy.  
I bit my lips before I continued. 

“Yeah, ...well ...I- I kinda don’t really remember much from when I traveled and-“ suddenly an overturned refrigerator popped out from underneath the gate. 

“You can let go now” I heard him say and it didn’t even took me a second to follow his advice letting the refrigerator take the job of caring the heavy gate.

I crawled inside, standing in front of the other man in the dark room now. The only light in the room was coming from underneath the gate.  
Still… I could see the disbelief in his eyes as he crosses his arms and raises his eyebrow at my story.

“You can’t remember ….really.” He shrugs “Why don’t you just admit that you are dense.” 

“I’m no-“ I took a deep breath. It doesn’t matter. Whatever I say won’t make him believe me, I was just a stranger after all. 

I gave him a smile, holding my hand out to him. “I’m Marco,” I tried to smile even brighter. “I didn’t catch your na-”

“You’re trying to team up with me, aren’t you?” 

“I—“ I retracted my hand. The cold glance he gave me made me feel ashamed by myself. Why was he so- so- ‘locked in’ all of a sudden? I thought he wanted the same to be honest. I mean, why else would he let me follow him and make me assist him.

“I misunderstood, I thought maybe you want a partner, someone who had your back...at least that’s what I thought you were letting on.”

He stared at me and for a brief moment I could see some embarrassment in his eyes… or….was it fear? Whatever it was it soon disappeared and a grin started to spread over his face. He started to laugh. It was a fake one, I am sure about that, but still a laugh. 

“Haha- Team up you say? Look “Partner”…” He made the quotation marks with his fingers in the air as he talks. “…do you really think these, one- two- three-…. These 7 cans of dried fruits and soup will get us both through the winter?” He rolled his eyes and picked the cans up, placing them in a bag he found in the edge of the room. “I really don’t have time for this shit…” He turned around and walked towards the door which leads out of the room.  
“You better get the hell out of here before I get uncomfortable…” Then he disappeared in the darkness of the next room.

“W-Wait!” I held my hands out, as if I was trying to grab him and pull him back. But I never did, I just stood there, watching him leave the room. 

He was right. We weren’t partners or anything even close to that. We were two guys who just met. In any other situation I would have said something like ‘Ok fine, bye’ with a smile on my face, while thinking how that was the strangest, rudest guy I met. I would have called my mom to pick me up, we would have traveled back home, I would be sitting on the couch and probably be watching TV with my dad or something.

…But these times are over. And it still killed me to think that they were.

I couldn’t call my mom to pick me up nor could I walk back home and watch TV. I may not even see my parents again. I was scared.  
Scared of being alone again.  
Scared of being alone forever. 

I sprinted to the other door, not thinking about what could happen to me when I did enter the next room.

Would he be standing there waiting for me to run directly into his knife? Even so, I really didn’t care at this moment. I realized… I would rather die now with someone near to me than alone, choking up blood with no one to hear my gargled cries. 

But no one was standing behind the door. Just the darkness to welcome me once again, like a stingy friend that wouldn’t let you go from their abusive hold. 

“Hey! Where are you?” I couldn’t see a thing, my senses were blinded so I screamed even louder. “HEEEEY!” And then I got frantic, so scared. 

I couldn’t see, why couldn’t I see anymore? This feeling of being lost to my sight was too oddly familiar and too scary at that. I kept stumbling through the darkness, hitting things on the ground with my feet, hoping I would soon hit into him again. 

“ **HELLOOOOO?!** ” Still, no answer. I tried to get further into the room, but my foot snagged on something and I tripped to the floor, 

”FUCK-“ and the next thing I felt was the hard cold ground embracing me.

And I sat up….and just sat there….staring into the darkness.

This was it. I was always going to be alone now, wasn’t I?

A bright light fell directly onto my face and I had to cover my eyes. 

“WHA-“ 

“SHHH- Do you want to party with infected tonight or why are you screaming like that?” he still pointed his flashlight onto me while he walked closer to me. I couldn’t see anything with that light blaring in my eyes. 

“I- I just- !!“ I tried to find the right words. But saying ‘Don’t leave me’ would sound a bit too desperate especially to someone I just met, wouldn’t it? 

“Didn’t you listen? I said Shh!” He pressed a finger onto my mouth and now I saw his face again….he…smiled? Was it for real this time?

“Look at that!” He pointed his flashlight over at the middle of the room. It took me some time to actually see something since my eyes were still blinded by the flashlight in my face. I blinked sometimes till my vision got clearer and—

Then I saw it. 

“Is that-?” 

“Yup”

“Are that all-?”

“Yup”

“Are they still-?”

“Mhm” he took my arm and dragged me to a shelf in the middle of the room. I didn’t mind the touch, but it was a weird sensation, human contact. 

“Look. Dried meat, Soups, fruits in cans, and over there-“ He pointed at a shelf on his right.  
“- Water, some coke, …” Than he walked over to the shelf and picked up the bottle of coke, taking a sip of it. “Damn! I almost forgot how that stuff tastes… Too sweet! Here try some!” 

He held the bottle out to me. I didn’t know what to say and just took it without taking a sip. Wow, every sense of me was filled with bliss, especially my sweet tooth from that sip. I wanted to tell him how good it was to drink sugary sodas again, but he wasn’t minding me, he kept ‘dancing’ around, acting like a little kid at Toys”R”us , so I just watched him. It was kind of nice.

It was just really strange seeing him with such a bright smile on his face.  
Don’t get me wrong, even if it was strange to me it somehow, well-… this- this fitted way better to him than that gloomy, long-faced look he usually had on. To me it seemed like I saw the real him for a brief moment. And that made me-  
happy?

Haha- but who am I to judge, and say such things about his character, we just met. I shouldn’t think that much about it or him. 

I placed the bottle of coke on the shelf next to me. 

“There is a lot missing, but still enough left…..” He said. 

“….I remember that place….the guy who owned this supermarket was a huge asshole. He probably just took food for himself and his family and closed this place up in case they come back someday…”  
He just stood there for a moment, staring at the shelf next to him, and I decided to not say a word because there was nothing I could say. He bit his lips and stretched himself. 

“Welp- Sucks for him.” 

“Why are you showing me all this?”

I couldn’t help it. I had to ask, since didn’t he just abandon me, tell me he didn’t need a partner? That he was a solo act. The guy looked surprised all of a sudden. He took a deep breath in and ruffed with his hand through his hair.

 

“Well- “ 

It took him some time to finish that sentence.

“You don’t really want to stay out in that cold with no supplies and--- whatever the hell you’re wearing right now, on.” 

I looked down at myself. It was true. Besides my long dirty-black jeans with many holes in it I was only wearing a grey shirt and a ripped apart, dirty hoodie over it.

Wow….I never noticed how much blood there was on my clothes…how exactly did that happen? 

A hand suddenly waved in front of my face. 

“HelloooOOooo! Earth to Marco. You still there?” He gave me a confused look. 

I smiled back at him, one because he actually used my name and that was a nice comfort, and two I was making sure not to scare him away.

“Mhm! You’re probably right! My clothes are not really ‘seasonally in style’” 

“Do you have a weapon?” 

“A what?” 

He gave me that look again and I felt like a child back in highschool being questioned by their most hated teacher. 

“A weapon. Like a gun, a knife, a fucking baseball bat for fucks sake!” 

“Haha- I- I guess not, no.” I ruffed the back of my head. He made it seem like I had to be ashamed for saying that out loud. 

“…..seriously….How the hell did you survive?” 

I just shrugged and looked back at him. He seemed to regret his decision of even thinking to team up with me. I panicked; I didn’t want him to kick me out of this place. 

“B-But I am really good at hand-to-hand combat.” I lied and immediately raised my hands and made them into fists like a pro-boxer.

“Hand-to-hand combat you say…” He raised an eyebrow at me again. 

It took him a while to think and for a brief second it seemed like his eyes went dark and his grin, no, his whole expression seemed….different….terrifying to be honest. 

My body felt frozen for a moment, that chill in his eyes spreading through me intensely. I can’t really describe it, that feeling…I think- I was more than afraid. His expression changed into a bright smile within seconds, melting the frostbitten tension. 

“Haha! That’s good! Really good!” He fist bumped my arm. “And you know what they say. Better in numbers, yeah?”

“Yeah!” With that he really lifted my spirits, well as lifted as they could be in the given circumstances.  
“Thank you so much I—“

“First rule, don’t thank anyone in a fucking apocalypse, it’s tacky.” He sighed, “It’s all about survival. Those manners you learned in grade school don’t mean shit in this world anymore.”

“I understand.” 

“Second rule, you don’t complain, you don’t ask questions, whatever I say you just do it. We might have to stay a long fucking while in this area, the winter is going to be hard since the summer was abnormally hot this year, and I really don’t want to put up with any other people or/and infected.”

“….I-…I understand.” 

“Good” He walked to the direction of the door again. “Now come on. We have to close the gate before anyone else does it…” 

I nodded and walked right behind him. Together we closed the gate and blocked it with whatever we could find. I whipped the sweat off of my forehead. When I turned around he was gone…again.

“Hey!” I heard him screaming from the other room. “Get your ass over here!” 

Remembering the second rule I followed his command, walking into the small room behind the cash desk from which the light of his flashlight was coming from.

“Look what I found” He was standing in the room, the flashlight placed on the table, with a big smile on his face.

It seemed like an employee lounge, there was a coffee machine, one of these water fountains and-  
“A couch!”  
“Nope” He pulled at the lower part of the couch making it turn into a king-sized bed.

“There you go” 

He seemed pretty full- errr- I mean proud of himself, yeah proud of himself.…I didn’t care at all what smuggish look he had on his face; there were more important matters. 

I smiled brightly and jumped onto the ‘bed’. There was a big cloud of dusk coming from it, it was really dirty and old but like I said I really didn’t care. 

“Wohoo!” I jumped up and down on it.  
“I can’t remember the last time I slept in a bed, this is perfect!” Then I let myself fall onto it, face first. 

“Tsk” I heard the other one say and looked back at him. He shook his head, as he plopped down on a ratty bean bag chair in the other edge of the room which spilled little beads if he shifted too much.

“You have a weird idea of perfect, man.” 

“Hey,” I set back up and turned around to face him. “You never told me your name.” 

He hesitated, “…Jean”

“Jean? Is that French?”

“Yeah...I lived in France for a while.”

I put my arms around my pulled up knees like I always did when I was listening to a story my mom told me, ready to listen to his story. 

“Where did you go after?” I asked.

“Here,” 

… And with that the story time ended.  
I took a deep breath in and smiled again.  
I was a bit disappointed, like I said I was expecting like times with my mom, and how she told all kinds of colorful stories. Stories like how she met my dad in Belgium and stolen his heart back to Italy with her, or how they interned together at the same hospital, how her childhood was in Italy, all sorts of long stories that took hours.  
I had to realize that Jean wasn’t going to take the place of my parents no matter how much I wanted that gap filled. 

“Well, nice to meet you, Jean from _‘here’_ ” I smiled.

He just rolled his eyes at me again, stood up took his flash light and walked out of the room, leaving me in darkness...literally. 

“What is up with him…?” 

I pulled my legs even closer to my chest, burrowing my face into them while leaning with my back against the wall behind me. I felt tired, too tired to even stand up and walk after him and being by myself gave me time to think again, time to think about what happened, time to try to remember, time to wonder…

“Mom…..Dad….Where are you?”  
___________________________________________ **\- Death beyond the walls -** ___________________________________________  
___________________________________________________ **\- Jean-** ___________________________________________

Nothing, Nothing, Nothing, **Nothing-!**

“Come on give me something, god dammit you are the shittiest supermarket in the entire histor- AH There we go!” I pulled a box of candles out of the turned over shelf. “Jackpot”

I whipped the dust off of the pack and started to read the description.

“Erotic Massage Candles - Naked in the Woods: White Tea/Ginger” 

…..Seriously………

Oh well….better than nothing.

They covered all the windows with wood and other stuff, I don’t complain about that, makes it saver to life in but it’s so damn dark, I can’t see a thing without my flashlight….maybe I should take the covers off from at least the upper windows tomorrow. 

I looked back at the candles and let the box sink down….but for some **unexpected** and **unknown** reason I found myself glancing at the description again, reading the next part.

“For a truly sexy massage, you need three things: candlelight, a sensual aroma, and warm massage oil. These candles provide all three. This candle has a very low melt temperature and melts into a warm luxurious massage oil. Set it by your bedside for the look and smell of an exotic ambiance, then reach over and pour a little on your spouse’s body for the most sensuous massage of their life! Turn your home into a sexy, spa-like environment with this unique candle and massage oil in one. Light the Vitamin E, Soy and Hemp Oil candle for an aromatic delight and wait as it melts into a moisturizing massage oil perfect for massage or moisturizing dry skin. 100% natural, the candle is environmentally friendly and petroleum free. Burns for 60 hours…………………………  
…….  
……...  
……….. Well not tonight, buddy” 

I put the box into my backpack and continued walking through that big room full of shit. It smelled like rotten meat, eggs, and everything which could expire when you don’t cool it. 

In another shelf I found a Flashlight, similar to mine.  
“Perfect!”  
I couldn’t help myself. I had to grin at my luck. 

“This idiot. He was an asshole till the end. He sure didn’t share even a piece of bread with the other people living around him.” I put the flashlight in my backpack. “Well good thing for me- err- us…” 

That’s when I remembered…

I wasn’t alone anymore.

I turned around quickly hoping that _‘he_ ’ wasn’t standing behind me.  
That would have been awkward…..after that nice candle story. 

It felt so weird. I haven’t been around people for over 6 Months now or was it even longer? I was so used to talk to myself out loud that I didn’t even realize it. I took a sip of the water I hold in my hands. It was weird being surrounded by so much food. I knew that there would be something in here but I didn’t expect it to be that much.

After the infection started to spread around America in the year of 2013 the whole industry in Europe crashed.  
Food got way too expensive. There were too many people and not enough food production companies in Europe. Coke for example was a luxury, and only some people were still able to _‘buy_ ’ it. Money wasn’t worth shit anymore. It was all about trading stuff like batteries, electricity, medicine for food, water, weapons and ammo. 

Crazy thing about that, weapons and ammo were even more expensive than food since we didn’t have that many weapons in Europe, not as many as in America at least. 

I took a deep breath in, smiling to myself. 

“Good thing that I didn’t lose the address of this place.”

I still remember my first time working here.

Some years ago, after I finished my “education” (If you can even call it like that) I got a job as a security guard at ‘Samuels-Sunny-Supermarket’, the place we are in right now. 

_Sunny_ -my-ass…  
It was hell on earth.

Samuel, the owner of this shop, was the richest person in this part of Trost district. He had the most food, water and supplies, enough to keep a person alive for a long time and was the only one in this area who still had his shop open… but not for everybody.

His prices were insane! Only the richest of all people, meaning people with a lot to trade, could buy stuff from him. That of course made people angry, and angry people do stupid things. 

I had not one single night without someone trying to break in and I had to stop them by scaring them with shooting into the air, throwing empty cans and bottles at them, telling them I would kill them if they come any closer.  
The people were scared of me; I had something they didn’t have  
…armor and a gun, which I could use. 

It was terrible, it was disgusting, it was un-human, but well, it was my job. I got paid with food and water, and a lot of on top of that.  
So was it really that wrong of me to do what I was doing?  
No!

I had to do it to survive,  
I had to do it to take care of myself,  
I had to do it to take care of the others,  
my friends…no…my family…  
And in the end…  
it was for nothing…

I felt how tears started to fill my eyes again. I whipped them away quickly.  
“God dammit Jean, stop it! There is no place for that now.”

Ah- well- anyways.  
One day a little girl not older than five came up to me, she was really thin and dark circles were around her eyes. She asked for bread, just a little piece. How could I say no to that? **Who** could say no to that? So I sneaked in to the store, grabbed some bread and gave it to the girl. 

After this night it continued like this every night. Kids came up to me, asking me for food and water. I knew they were sent by their parent or family members but what should I do? Kick them? Throw empty cans and bottles at them? Tell them I would kill them? Give them nothing?  
Tsk-  
Just try to tell a little boy to go starve in an edge. Doesn’t sound that nice right? 

So, I sneaked in again, every night, and stole more and more from the store to give it to the people… it kinda went in to a habit and it started to feel good. I started to know how robin hood must have felt. And let me tell you something...I loved it. 

…Well- till Samuel found out what I did. 

He wanted me to pay him back but haha-, you can’t pay someone back if you don’t own anything right? So he beat me up. He beat me up pretty bad, I think I still have some scars from that day---- hell I was lucky that he didn’t kill me. 

That was the last time I saw this place before….Before the _accident_ happened.

When I came back to this area it was completely empty, not one single person around. Of course….who would still be here after what happened? There weren’t any hunters here to begin with…and well...I don’t think that anyone would even dare to stay any longer at this shitty place.  
It seems that the people were in a damn hurry after they heard about the incident. Most of the buildings I checked were still full with supplies…

“Tsk” I threw the bottle across the room. 

Idiots.  
They said they would be prepared if it _did_ happen….….but they never were. Seems like the military was just good at one thing,  
Acting. 

I stretched myself, hearing my bones crack one after another. I felt pretty tired. Was it already night time? I didn’t know. This place was so dark, it could be day or night and I wouldn’t know. 

I checked the gate again and the other doors, making sure everything are properly locked… I really don’t want to deal with anyone or anything today anymore.

After that I went back to the employee lounge. I heard a loud snoring sound coming from the bed. 

I placed my flashlight onto the table to light the room and looked at the already sleeping boy in front of me. He was lying across the bed, on his stomach; his face was turned towards me. He frowned in his sleep. 

_Oh…_  
….I was so lost in my thoughts that I completely forgot about him.

I walked closer to the bed and set down next to him.  
Don’t get me wrong… I did have my reason to keep this guy alive and with me. But was it really worth it? 

He doesn’t have any supplies.  
He has no clue what’s going on around him.  
He doesn’t even have a fucking weapon! 

And still… There is so much blood on his clothes… something was clear off about him.  
I don’t think he was lying to me when he said he doesn’t know about what happened to Trost. To be honest, I didn’t even think he was lying when he said that he can’t remember how he got here but-

If that all is true, if he really had no weapon, no supplies, no clue with what he had to deal with, how in God’s, Buddha’s or to whomever you should be praying to in the fucking apocalypse name is this guy still alive?

“Hng-h-…” He shifted around in his sleep, was he in pain? It seemed like it, but why? Did he have a fever or something?  
I tried to feel his temperature by laying my hand on his forehead.

…He’s ice cold…

Something was really _really_ weird about this guy… Wait! Was he infected?!  
I felt his pulse…. It was fast but still normal for a human.  
No-… he would have turned by now already, and there were no bit wounds at his body, I already checked that when I was holding my knife against his throat back then….well…err- you know- the parts which weren’t clothed of course.  
No. I don’t think he’s infected. But still….something wasn’t right.

 _The faster I get rid of him the better._

I took a deep breath in, picked my flashlight and his backpack up and set back down on the bean bag chair.  
There was only shit in his backpack; two cans of beans and a small bottle of water and…..a blanket?  
A fucking blanket?  
Does that guy think he’s going on vacation or what?

I shook my head ….what an idiot….pushed the backpack away from me, took my knife out of my own backpack, just in case, and turned the flashlight off.

After that I waited. Watching the other man on the bed shift around in his sleep, my hands had a tight grip around my knife. I did watch him, for a long time, just for the case that he might stand up after he thinks I fell asleep and murder me. 

I wasn’t paranoid.  
No-  
I just did trust humans as much as I did trust Infected.  
And that was the reason I was still alive…

I could feel how I slowly lost the control over my own body…  
My eyes were heavy, my limps were heavy, I couldn’t even hold my knife up anymore.  
I was too tired. And I slowly drifted into a slumber until a loud voice brought me back to this damn cold world. 

“Noo…noo, why, why are you--? I can’t, _no_!”

I jumped out of my uncomfortable chair and walked closer to the other man who was tousling in bed, screaming and mumbling words I couldn’t understand.

“Shh! Hey! Hey man be quiet!” But he didn’t listen, his voice was getting even louder, haling through the big rooms. 

Fuck! If he keeps up acting like that he will get us in big trouble.  
I deiced to cover his mouth with my hand to make him shut up. What else was I supposed to do? Till he-

“OUCH!” I retract my hand immediately.  
…  
Did he just….  
Did that guy really

Bit me?! 

What the hell?!

I was really tempted to punch him in the face but wait-…he did stop screaming.  
He only kept mumbling to himself….

So I walked back to my bean-bag and set down, watching him at first till I looked down at my hand while listening to the quiet mumbling of the other guy.  
I took a deep breath in…

“This is going to be a looong fucking month.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Notes: 

Fun facts:  
1st: I copied the describtion of the Infected from Wikipedia because I am a lazzy bastard and english isn't my first language so deal with it.

2nd: These nice candles Jean found really exist... even the describtion is the same...check it out.....I know you want to: http://covenantspice.com/massage-candlesnaked-in-the-woods-white-teaginger-p-8.html?zenid=e6658801300e9c67a950c12bb67d382c

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

puh-...  
That was hard work... haha-  
Bounoromato's and Tomatopride's first fanfiction. We wrote it together wich wasn't that easy.... 

Tomatopride did write the beautyful Marcopart and I wrote...  
....well...  
jeans.....  
But we did edit and create it pretty much together ( I don't suck that much at writing, do I?)

I am surprised YOU did even make it that far, congrats! You can now go and regret choosing to spend time on reading this.

...  
Or you just stay here and keep reading what I am writing  
....  
seriously....  
I am done...  
now go live your life....  
...  
What you are still there?  
Well than check out mine or/and Tomatoprides blog on tumblr:  
Bounoromato.tumblr.com  
Tomatopride.tumblr.com

OR you could write us a comment which would be even better  
come on  
you know you want it.

Ok that's it I am tired I am going to sleep now. You can do whatever you want here, read the chapter again if you think it's really necessary.

Ciao!


	2. I can't apologize...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know if people are still interested in this ship but I was an idiot and didn't update the story even thougth I had a new chapter out.  
> Forgive me!  
> I hope that still some people will enjoy it. 
> 
> And hey it's a pretty long one! We will try to update more frequently now! 
> 
>  
> 
> **Please leave some kudos or comments so we know if you want us to continue writing this. Thanks**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Recommended 8tracks Playlists:**  
>  Jean: http://8tracks.com/shigunshina/i-will-stand-ready-to-begin  
> Marco: http://8tracks.com/little-wolf-boy/the-boy-of-flowers-and-freckled-smiles

**“Because of luck”**

___________________________________________ **\- Death beyond the walls -** ___________________________________________  
___________________________________________________ **-Marco-** ___________________________________________

 

I’m sure anyone would say luck was my best friend. I had somehow made it to Trost without little so much as a scratch, a few tattered, blood soaked clothes, which I had assumed was the typical “fashion style” in the apocalypse. And now, I was with another person, someone who obviously knew what he was doing by the cool-way he acted in situation I found puzzling. Better than that, I was sharing a space that was nearly safe, with enough food for the both of us to last a month. I sure was lucky, but I didn’t feel happy about that. 

One of the main reasons I had stayed with Jean was because, honestly, I was lonely and I needed some company besides my own thoughts. Sure, these seem like messed up priorities in a place where I should be more worried about survival, but what was the point of survival if you didn’t have anyone to share that with? And Jean was the only person around I could share that would, so it wasn’t like I had much of a choice. Looking at him, the goofy hairstyle, that seemed like an attempt to be cool? And his rude remarks about my skills, and the way I acted. Oh, and his weird faces that he made, where any mother would tell him “If you keep making stupid faces like that, it’ll get stuck like that”. Perhaps it already had, because it was rare to see him with a soft look or even a darn smile! And I smiled a lot at him in hopes he would at least be friendly back, but no, I only got an arrogant eye roll. I wonder what his problem was, and that’s how I realized he wasn’t someone I would have hung out in the past. 

It was an unbearable month with Jean, filled with white-noise silence, and terrible awkwardness and points where I would’ve screamed to be noticed, but I did learn five things about Jean that month. 

The first thing, I noticed surprising fast on the first day after our meeting, if you can believe that?  
The morning was very awkward between us, muddled with this strange tension that I couldn’t understand. He didn’t mutter a good morning after I said morning to him, or given me a look. It made me feel lonesome. I tried speaking to him around the afternoon, when we were huddled in the room eating from cans from our food supply.  
Jean had a can of canned pears, and I was scooping out kidney beans. I had heard that it is best to eat as slow as possible, but I couldn’t help shoving those beans into my mouth. It felt like I hadn’t eaten in months!  
Jean gave me one of his weird looks again, so out of embarrassment I glanced down at my finger dripping with the juices from the can. I had to think of something to say, anything would do really.

“It’s kind of neat we get to eat with our fingers without getting yelled at, hm?” I started while thinking that was the STUPIDEST conversation starter ever, I would have done better smacking my head into the wall.  
“I mean, when I was little I used to remember I liked playing with my food, especially spaghetti, I used to love squishing it my fingers because I would pretend it was worms..”

I looked over at Jean to see his reaction and it was totally unamused. So, I thought it was a good idea to continue.

“My mom would always yell at me for doing that, telling me only impolite boys did silly things like that...” I felt a bout of sadness when I talked about my mom, but was saved when Jean spoke something.  
Actually spoke something!  
I couldn’t believe it, I was so excited!  
“Can you stop it with the ‘Rainbow-talk’?” Jean sighed, “Just take your situation as it is, shit.”

….Not that excited anymore.

“Ah—“ C’mon, I had to keep this conversation up somehow. “It’s what I’m good at. I used to go to the hospital a lot, instead of being sad I would try to imagine something to make myself happ—“

Jean had already finished his food, and had gotten up mid-sentence. There was no use of me finishing except to fill the empty space.  
I failed.  
But I wasn’t giving up that easy. I was persistent.  
Later, around night time I assumed. It was hard to tell with no light coming into the supermarket. Since Jean was the one with the flashlight, and I didn’t feel like being left alone in the dark, I was behind him as he sorted through boxes that were stored away. One box Jean pulled out had a few thin blankets in them and he heard Jean mummer something about the winter to himself.  
I was growing tired about questioning the unknowns about him in my head over and over, so I spoke up, 

“You said you were from France right? Were your parents French?”

No answer.

I continued, “Why did you move to Trost?”

No answer.

I sighed a little defeated, but I continued with a smile, “I lived in Italy before this all started. My dad he was from Belgium originally, but when he met my mom in Med school, he says that ‘your mom stole my heart’, and he followed her back to Italy and—“  
“Stop!” 

It wasn’t just the snap of his voice, but the loud thud of the box he was holding that casted my eyes down at him in fear. 

“I don’t care about your family, or how your day is going or some stupid shit about eating with your fingers,” Jean scolded, “I don’t need to know your backstory, so stop asking about mine, understood?” 

Ouch.

His words were like a knife craving deeper and deeper into the depth of my loneness, my insides felt numb, and my mind ache for some sort of solution for this. I wanted to continue talking, keep persisting to see if he would open up after hours and hours of my badgering. But I remembered his second rule, not to question him so I didn’t. Not until later when I was on the pullout and he slumped in that nasty looking bean-bag chair.

“Here.” He muttered gruffly, throwing a flashlight at me. Luckily, I had a lot of luck it seemed, I caught the flashlight and didn’t made a complete fool of myself by fumbling it.  
“What?”  
“It’s your own flashlight, so you can stop following me around like some creeper.”

Ouch, ouch.

That one hit pretty hard, but I just smiled pass it. “Th—“ 

I remembered rule number one and stopped, and that was the end of our conversations for a long time to come. It burned a bit to be with someone that didn’t want anything to do with you. I knew I couldn’t let that get to me. I had to think of something else. Sleep it off.  
I was lying in bed, feeling my eyes getting heavy when I noticed something strange about him. I started to take time in my head, counting. Every 15 minutes, Jean would get up, check the same places he did 15 minutes before and then sit back down. This pattern repeated until I saw the droopiness of his eyes, the way they’d want to flutter close and then he’d just snap them open.  
Why was he doing that? Why would he—  
And then I knew from the way he looked at me with this glower.

Jean was…

Paranoid.

~~

I didn’t find out the next thing about Jean until a very long time, for one thing, he pretty much forbidden me to talk to him so I was stuck in silence to myself for a good week and a half. This wasn’t one of those weeks that pass you by, no; it was a terrible long week. It seemed to go on forever, worse because I couldn’t tell time except for keeping count of times I went to sleep.  
It was unbearable.  
And it killed me to look at Jean, who seemed to be doing totally fine. But why shouldn’t he be? He was getting exactly what he wanted for this, even if I was being tortured by the silence.  
Luckily ( yes, I seem to like that word a lot), I found some playing cards in the office room’s desk drawer. Sure, they were bent and a little overused, but they kept my mind busy with shuffling and playing solitaire with myself.  
Yes, solitaire. The word that pretty much described my life right now. I was at the point where I needed more.  
I looked over at Jean, he was reading some old newspapers or something of the sort. I didn’t question it, even if I could.

“Play with me,” My voice came out hoarsely, something the shock me more than hearing my own voice.  
Jean didn’t look up, he flipped a page.

Asshole!

I recently found myself thinking a lot of vile things towards Jean, but that didn’t affect how desperate I was for company.  
“Play with me, please. We can play for bets, it’ll be fun!”

Jean threw his paper to the floor, and looked up at me with these fierce eyes.  
“If I play with you, will you finally shut up?”

I nodded vigorously. I didn’t care if he physically wanted me to put my foot in my mouth afterwards. We were doing this.  
I dealt the cards out, rapidly, almost afraid he’d change his mind if I took my time.  
“The game is poker…you know how to play?”

He clicked his tongue, “I’m not stupid”  
I chose to ignore his comment. “So what are you putting up for bet?”

“If I win, you have to shut the fuck up for real, and I mean it, no words to me or asking me stupid things like playing card games or stupid ass conversation to yourself like you are talking to me.”

Did I really do that? I thought I was doing that in my head. My face was hit with a slap of red hot embarrassment and a sting of rejection.  
“Fine. But if I win you have to answer all my questions, no matter what”

Jean rolled his eyes, “Good thing, you aren’t winning.”

The game wasn’t as fun as I expected since we both intently staring at our hands in silence, but I was still beaming like the fool I was (notably a terrible poker face, not to be confused with that one internet meme). My hand was looking good, I had a straight flush line up, guess the word lucky was finally making me feel happy. I was finally going to get someone to talk to, ask Jean about all those secrets he was hiding under a thick sheet of skin, and not feel as alone anymore. But...that image was crushed when Jean grin widened, spreading a unbelievable royal flush.

“Read them and weep,” Jean said snarky.

I was too much in disbelief to say anything. Honestly, it hurt me how proud Jean was of his winning hand, how happy he was that he wouldn’t hear from me after this encountered. It made me sad, but more than that it made me…angry at him. 

“There now you have to leave me alone,” He got up, a huff blowing from his lips, “Hope you enjoyed your game. I guess you were right it was fun, winning!”  
After he left, I started picking up the scattered cards all by myself, of course. I just wanted to cool myself from this building anger I had for me. That’s when I saw there were some cards stashed under Jean’s bean-bag chair.  
He had cheated, that’s how he had won.  
I clenched my teeth together.

Jean was a…

Liar

~~

It had been days, no weeks? Before I had noticed something else new about Jean, the very mysterious Jean…  
He had been good about keeping his distance from me, and that didn’t bother me as much as the first week. Sure, it was tortuous not being able to talk to someone, but the anger I held towards him kept me to myself.  
Why was I angry at Jean? Maybe because he was becoming true to every presumption I had of him. That maybe, just maybe he was a terrible person that didn’t care for anyone at all, especially not me. He was rude, and pompous it seemed, and leaving me out in the dark infuriated to a point I had never been anger before. So, was this guy I barely knew getting under my skin so much?

I didn’t care to answer that.  
But I still hated it. 

I was filling my boredom with some wandering around the supermarket, which me and Jean as well, seemed to do quite often. It was a little like an adventure finding things we could discover, small little treasure. Like, I found a stringless yoyo yesterday, or 3 pairs of dice, and old floppy disc. Things that don’t sound like they are exciting but when you are trapped in the same place for almost a month they are more interesting than a new Play station for Christmas.  
So, that’s what I was up to, any other “treasure” hunt when I heard Jean grunting? Nothing perverted or anything! That for sure wasn’t that first thing I connected to it, I thought maybe he was hurt or…I don’t know! I thought it would be nice of me to check, I peered around one of the shelves as I watched him, curiously.  
He wasn’t hurt or anything like that. He had a neon orange, plastic nerf-gun. I remember them from brightly light TV commercials of little boys running around like maniacs shooting each other with the little plush bullets, and falling in the most dramatic fashions. I never actually had one because my mom, refused to have any sort of guns in our house, but I sort of always dreamed of playing with one...only when I was little. Jean didn’t seem too concern with age barriers. He was shooting the plastic fake bullets at the wall he aiming with that ridiculous smug look on his face, and making sound effects like a 5 year old would.  
He blew at that plastic pistol and spanned it in his hands, 

“Jean, the awesome.”

...Showoff. 

I felt my annoyance building up with a roll of my eyes, but it melted when I saw the way he looked down at the gun, a face that I had never seen on him before.

“Man, we could have fucking harassed Eren till he exploded with these. Right Connie?” His laugh sounded bitter, and cracking in all its fakeness.

And he just stood there...doing nothing.  
Was he waiting for a respond?  
I heard him taking a deep breath in before he spoke up again.

“Fuck guys…I’m sorry… I fucked up pretty bad this time, didn’t I...” To me it sounded like his voice was breaking, and although I couldn’t see his face now I thought he’d must be trying to hold tears.  
Even though this guy had been nothing but a jerk to me, I didn’t think I should do the same for him. So, I stepped out from my hiding place,  
“Jean?”

He spun around, shooting me with one of those cheesy bullets in the arm, which hurts more than I imagine! Maybe those commercials were more accurate than I gave it credit for.

“What the fuck!?” Jean screamed, there was no help hiding that fear burning in his pupils, I saw it and I’m sure he knew that.  
“NEVER EVER sneak up on me again!”  
“I—I thought you needed help,” I admitted.

His scruff made me feel embarrassed for even trying to help him,  
“No, you’re lucky that was a fake gun.” He threw the nerf gun to the ground, probably breaking it for the loud bang it made  
“Do you want to get killed or what?! Oh forget it-!”,and stormed off. 

Once again I’m alone, but this time I’m contemplating. I’m surprised because I always thought Jean was the brave, badass, on his own type, but I just found out he’s…

Easily scared. 

~~

The last and most important quality I discovered about jean, definitely changed my whole perspective of him in a whole, and maybe shed light on him not being the worst person to be stuck in an apocalypse in.  
It was by the end of the month, the days were noticeable getting colder and unfortunately so. I would shiver myself to sleep every night though. The thin knitted blanket I had packed in my backpack was never enough to heat my body. Whereas, I would look envious at Jean curled on his crappy bean-bag chair with a whole stack of blankets covering him. This angered me usually, but tonight I was too cold to even care about that.  
My eyes were squeezed tight in hopes if I did, I’d fall asleep easily be able to resisted the chill of my bones, the goose bumps prickling, and my toes frigid as ice. I shivered again, my teeth chattering and scrapping against each other. I curled tighter in a ball…

_Think of something warm, think of white sand and the sun blaring down or maybe a campfire …yeah like that._

I suddenly feel warmth snuggling against me, at first I think it’s my day dreams until I hear Jean grunt as he shifts in his spot. I squinted an eye open and I see a few of Jean’s blankets laying on top of me, and placed in such a careful way too.

Did he really? 

I can hardly believe even as my mind drifts into my mind, into my dreams. Jean really is…

Caring.  
...

So maybe I didn’t find the best partner in this fight. He might be a liar, smuggest showoff, easily scared, and super paranoid, but he was caring. And if he had one good quality in him then he couldn’t be that bad. Who’s to say there can’t be more good to him?

___________________________________________ **\- Death beyond the walls -** ___________________________________________  
___________________________________________________ **\- Jean-** ___________________________________________

“God dammit! Not again.” 

This was the third time this week that I cut my thumb on the sharp edge of the food can.  
Luck really hates me.  
I sucked the blood which was running down my thumb and stood up, kicking the can, which tried to kill me some seconds ago, away.  
I couldn’t stand still anymore. This building was driving me insane. I already knew every single rotten piece of cheese in the shelves, every single light on the ceiling, every single broken piece of glass on the floor. And these walls around me, I could swear they were getting closer to me each and every day.  
I was running around in circles like a lion, caged up in a Zoo. 

And to be honest I had absolutely no clue what the hell I was doing. Why was I still here? Why am I continuing living like a rat? Why didn’t I let that stupid can have its way and finally end all of this?

All I knew was that,  
I can’t stand this room anymore  
I can’t stand this place anymore

“Good morning Jean~”

…And I defiantly can’t stand this voice anymore.

I breathed out and turned around to face that stupid smile, which greeted me every morning, once again.  
“Morning.” I mumbled back.

He stepped closer to me, holding his backpack up.  
“You know, I think I will take that cardgame with me and maybe that book I’ve found yesterday, it seems interesting. I know we should only take what we really need but maybe some kind of distraction wouldn’t be that bad and- “

God…does this guy never shut up? Does he think we are going on vacation?  
In the past days a lot has changed between us. 

I tried my best to avoid it but after that one night, that one single night I saved Marco from freezing to death everything changed. Whatever I do, how unfriendly I am, he doesn’t care! He just continues talking even if I tell him to stop, even if I don’t talk back. It seems like he doesn’t take me serious anymore… There you have it. You do ONE nice thing and it turns back on you immediately. 

So I pretty much gave up, it was too exhausting fighting it. It’s like telling the care-bears to not give a shit, you just can’t win.  
So we started to speak with each other more and more. Not about personal stuff. Just small talk, like what we are going to take with us when we start moving and which way we are going to take. I really didn’t think I would ever say that but… I might have needed social interaction more than I would have admitted.  
And to be honest Marco wasn’t that bad of a guy probably. Yeah I think we would have gotten along pretty well some years ago.

But right now…  
I can’t stand it.  
I can’t stand how he acts like everything is a game.  
I can’t stand how he always manages to find something good in a really bad situation.  
I can’t stand how he talks to me, with this cheerful voice, how he smiles whenever he talks about a past which he should leave behind.  
How he looks at me,  
like everything is fine  
like everything is going to be OK. 

Because I sure as hell know it’s not and it never will be again. 

Marco is ignorant.  
He is living in his little, pink, fluffy dream world.  
Because he still has hope.  
And that… well that makes me… jealous.

There, I said it. I am jealous of Marco, jealous of his smile, jealous of that cheerful look he gives me, jealous of the hope he’s still carrying, no, protecting inside him.  
Because I lost mine a long time ago.  
I took a deep breath in and had my eyes closed while doing so, trying to get a clear mind again, trying to let the anger and rage in me not take over. 

“Hey Jean? Jean!” 

I opened my eyes, staring into these big brown ones which were way too close to mine now.  
“Jean, did you even listen?” He kept staring at me like that, his face just some inches away from mine…why does this guy always have to be so close? 

I took some steps back.  
“Huh? S-sure sure…card game of distraction, got it…” 

He rolled his eyes and breathed out.  
“You didn’t listen at all, did you.” 

I didn’t reply to that, it was one of these stupid questions you better shouldn’t answer because there is no right answer to it anyway.  
He stepped closer to me again.  
“I was wondering. The weather has been nice since some time now. Winter is over Jean and you keep telling me that we will go _tomorrow_ since almost 9 days now. Our stuff is all packed-… So, when is that “Tomorrow” going to be?”

“Tomorrow”  
“Jean…”  
“Tsk.” I turned around, I couldn’t look at these puppy-like-eyes anymore. “Do you really want to die that bad?”  
“No! Of course not! But do you really think staying here and playing hide-and-seek with rats would help us get any closer to our goal?”

I didn’t reply to that either…  
I knew he was right.  
I knew staying here won’t make it any better, but it won’t make it worse either right?  
I mean, asking me to go out there, to go out and travel around these things is like asking me to kill myself. It’s ridiculous.  
“Jean! Stop ignoring me!”  
I kept quiet.  
“Jean!”  
…  
“At least look at me!” He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to face him. 

Bad mistake…Really bad mistake.  
I slapped his hand away. 

“Don’t touch me!”  
“How else do you expect me to get an answer from you?”  
Answer? Yeah, right…  
“So you want an answer? You want me to really tell you the truth about our “goal”? There is no fucking goal! Do you really think we could do it? Get all the way from here to the Nordics without getting killed by infected? Hunters? Cannibals? In which kind of fantasy world are you living?” 

Marco let his head sink down. His hair covering his eyes.  
“…But- You said- … You told me that- ”  
“I changed my mind, ok?” 

There was a long silence between us.  
“Look, if you want to go than go, nothing is stopping you.”  
“But what about our goal, Jean?”  
“Our goal? I think you’re getting something wrong here _’Partner’_. Finding your parents is your goal not mine. So why the hell should I risk my life and leave this place?!” I turned around.  
“Does this mean you are going to give up? Just like that?”  
“Yes” my voice was getting louder “Yes exactly, just like that, I give up and you know what? I should have already a long time ago. And it would be better for you to do the same!”  
“So you are asking me to stay here and wait for my death to come?”  
“At least I am not asking you to go out there and search for it!” I pointed at the, with wood covered, windows next to us.  
“You are living in your little dream world, Marco, but the world out there is the exact opposite from that! You want to go out there, find other people, find a normal civilization, find your parents. But you know what? It’s gone! There is no “Normal civilization” anymore. There aren’t any people who even care to speak to you without wanting to kill you, and your parents? Who knows if they are even still alive? And if they are do you really think they would care to search for you in a time like this? Bullshit!” 

I was breathing heavily. What I said wasn’t the nicest way to say it. But it was true.  
But Marco-…well Marco still didn’t look at me.

“You’re lying…” I could barely hear what he said.  
“I-….what?”  
“YOU ARE A LIAR JEAN!” That was the moment he looked up at me again. I have never seen him like that before. His eyes were filled with anger but also tears. 

It made me mad. So damn mad.  
This guy hasn’t seen what I’ve seen. He hasn’t felt what I’ve felt.  
What gives him the right to judge me! 

“You call me a liar?!” I stomped over to the windows and grabbed the wood with my hands. “See it for yourself!” I ripped the wooden covers off of the broken window. It wasn’t the best idea to do that bare handed but I didn’t care at this moment.  
“Look at your wonderful, perfect world!” I continued, the wood and broken glass ripping the skin on my hands open and I could feel the blood coming from my fingers. I could feel a cold wind hitting my body and the light from outside was blinding me. I haven’t seen that much light in a long time.

“J-Jean…”  
“There!” I pointed out at the world outside. My vision still blurred from the sudden light.  
“Jean?” But I didn’t let Marco finished, he stared at me and I stared back, still pointing at the window behind me.  
“You see that? That’s the world we are living in right now! That’s the reality!” I screamed now.  
“Jean!”  
“So don’t you dare to ever, EVER call me a fucking Lia-“  
“JEAN!”  
“WHAT?!” 

Marco raised his hands and pointed at the window. It seemed like his whole body was shaking. Did I scare him? He opened his mouth slowly as he tried to probably form some words.  
“What-... What is that?” 

Silence.

I looked from Marcos pointing hand to the direction in which it was pointing.  
I couldn’t move.  
I couldn’t breathe.  
I-  
“Jean?” 

I snapped out of it, trying to form words myself, but the only thing which came out of my mouth was:  
“Run.” 

“What?” Marco looked at me.  
“RUN!” I screamed and started to do as I said, grabbing Marco’s arm as I ran past him, forcing him to come with me. I did the same with my backpack which was lying on the ground and threw it over my shoulder.  
We ran up the staircase to the next level. I heard running and screaming behind me but I didn’t even dare to look back.  
I shove away the big bookshelf which was blocking the way to the exit to the roof and tried to open it.

“Fuck!”  
“What is it?” Marco seemed weirdly calm, in my panic I completely forgot that he was standing behind me, watching every step I do.  
“It’s locked!” I heard the noises coming closer to us. “Forget it!” And with 2, 3 no 4 kicks against the door I managed to break it open.  
“Come on! Come on!” I said as I dragged the other man out of the room into the bright daylight. I pulled the bookshelf behind me back to cover the exit or at least try to.  
“Jump to the next roof!” I screamed and at the same time jumped, without even thinking about looking down. I didn’t look back to check on Marco either. I just ran, ran down the emergencystaircase and through the small Streets. 

I had no clue where I was going and to be honest, I didn’t really care. I just wanted to get away from here. Far far away from here.  
Around the next corner was a metal fence covering the way to the alley behind it.  
“Through here!” I pushed the gate close behind us and pulled the big trashcan together with Marco in front of it before I started to run again, away from the noises, away from the screaming  
…  
But again…Luck really does hate me bad…  
I was staring at the wall in front of me, blocking my way to freedom.  
A blind alley  
Great.

I turned around, looking at Marco who was breathing heavily.  
“Now what, Jean?”  
Go back the way we just came from, through the metal fence, away from here. That’s what I wanted to say.  
But it was too late. They were already here.  
“Jean! They are coming through!” 

I looked around. There has to be a way. Something. Anything!  
“Jean!”  
“I am thinking ok! I am thinking!!” That’s when I heard some noises next to me. Rats. And behind them, a small, turned over trashcan, way smaller than the one we blocked the gate with. The rats ran their circles around it and in and out of the pretty much empty trashcan. That’s when it hit me.  
One person could easily hide in it.  
One person.

It wasn’t the best plan…but it was my last one… 

But if Marco notices what I’m trying to do, or even worse, gets the same idea, than-  
No, I couldn’t let that happen…  
My hand was shaking as I took the knife out of my Jacket.  
They would be distracted for a while.  
They wouldn’t even notice I’m here once they get what they want, right?  
And…this was my plan all along. Wasn’t it?  
That was my chance to use my Plan Z.

I looked at Marco who wasn’t facing me, he was more concentrated on what was behind us. 

Yeah… Plan Z.  
My Plan Z which didn’t follow my rules at all.  
My Plan Z which doesn’t even know how to hold a gun in the freaking apocalypse.  
My Plan Z which annoyed the shit out of me…. which smiled at me in the morning, asking me how I had slept, which I played cards with.  
Whom I’ve promised to get to his parents…  
…  
He was right. I was a big liar.  
But nobody cared about the truth in times like these. I knew that perfectly well.  
I also knew that this would be the only way for me to survive and I had this all planed a long time ago.  
So why can’t I do it? Why am I just staring at him? Why can’t I move? 

It’s not like…  
it would be my first time killing someone.  
...  
..  
.  
\---  
.  
..  
...  
_‘Guys…Are you really sure what we’re doing is ok? I don’t have a good feeling about that…’  
‘Haha! What? Are you scared all of a sudden? Well I never cared about what’s on the other side. You were the ones who couldn’t stop talking about it and now after we finally made it that far you’re telling me you have a “bad feeling” about that?’  
‘Stop being a dick Jean.’  
‘Hey I’m just telling the truth!’  
‘The truth? You? Haha- Good one!’  
‘You want to start a fight J-‘  
‘Stop it! Both of you! If we don’t hurry up they’ll probably notice we’re gone.’  
‘He’s right! Come on! It will be fun, right Mikasa?’  
‘ …’  
‘Look Mikasa agrees! So what are we waiting for? Let’s goooo! WOHOO!’  
‘….She’s….. insane…’  
‘You just noticed?’ _  
...  
..  
.  
\---  
.  
..  
...  
My head hurts.  
Why now?  
Why do I have to think about that now?  
My vision went back to normal again and I saw Marco standing in front of me.  
His hands were on my shoulders, shaking me out of my thoughts.

“Jean! Snap out of it! We have to do something!” He looked around for a moment and pointed at the wall.  
“Boost me up there!” 

My foggy mind cleared up and I looked at the wall and back at Marco.  
“Hell no! How would I know that you don’t leave me behind after I boosted you up?” I tightened the grip around my knife.

Marco rolled his eyes and let go of me.  
“We don’t have time for that.” He went to the wall, leaned with his back against it and ( I dunno how to call it, you know when you form your hands so you can boost someone up) did the hand thing. “Come on! I’ll boost you up!” 

Was this guy insane?  
“Why would you-? How do you know that I don’t leave you behind?” 

“Because I trust you.”

He-  
What-?  
...  
This guy…  
Was really something else…  
…  
The screaming behind us went louder and I could hear the noise of metal crashing to the ground.  
“JEAN! NOW!” 

I didn’t think, I just ran and jumped with help from the freckled boy up the wall. I turned around and looked down at Marco who was raising his hand up to me…and at these things which were now running down the alley right in our direction.

“Come on help me up!”  
“…” 

If I run now…I would have enough time to get out of this city… Away from them. They would be distracted anyway. It would be perf-Argh-  
Not- again…  
I pressed my hand against my forehead.  
My head-  
Fuck-  
...  
..  
.  
\---  
.  
..  
...  
_  
‘Oh shit… RUN!’  
…  
‘That’s the end. We’re going to die!’  
‘Snap out of it! You can cry when we’re out of here!’  
…  
‘Jean!’  
‘JEAN!’  
_  
...  
..  
.  
\---  
.  
..  
...

“JEAN!” 

I heard Marco screaming my name and in the next second I was holding his hand, pulling him up the wall. But well, how to explain what happened next- 

Highs (+) weight of two people (-) enough space on the wall to stand on (=) Shit. 

I fell, back first, down on the other side of the wall and Marco?  
That lucky bastard landed on me and it felt like a car crashing against my body.  
I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t think.

“Jean! Oh my god, are you ok!?” Was the only thing I heard before I felt how the weight on my chest disappeared.  
“Are you hurt? Can you move?”  
“Stop- Stop asking so many questions, it’s annoying.” I set back up, surprised that I could to be honest and checked my body to see if there’s any critical damage. But maybe that son of a bitch called luck was on my side this time. 

Even thought my whole body did hurt like hell, I could still move and breathe and feel how a hand moved up and down my chest- wait what?  
I looked down at the hand and at the person to which it belonged too. Marco was kneeling in front of me.

“And- What are you doing?”  
“Well what do you think I am doing?” Marco didn’t look at me, he just stared at my chest which made me feel uncomfortable.  
“To be honest. I don’t think I should say that one out loud.”  
“What?”  
“Nothing-“ 

Marco looked back up at me and whipped the sweat off of his forehead with his hand.  
“Good at least nothing is broken.”  
“You can tell that only by moving your hand over my chest?” Wow! That is actually pretty amaz-  
“No, but you would have screamed like a little baby if I would have moved my hand over a broken rip.” He said as he gives me that big, bright smile. 

Asshole. 

Again, that’s what you get for being nice and saving someone’s life.  
“Puh-…That was a close one, I already thought you’d leave me behind.” Marco kept smiling at me.  
…  
I didn’t say anything to that, I didn’t even look at him. But somehow I had to break the silence.  
“We can’t stop here now. We have to get going.” I stood up.  
“Are you sure you can walk?”  
“I’m fine.” I started to move away from the wall.  
“But-“  
“I said I’m fine!” After that neither of us said a thing anymore, we both quietly agreed that we have to get away from here. 

Away from this alley.  
Away from this place.  
Away from where it all began.  
..  
...

I opened my backpack to get my water bottle out.  
It was already dark outside. It wasn’t that easy to find a good shelter to stay the night in the middle of nowhere and it did took us like 3 hours of walking probably but we managed to find a small town and a pretty save looking house in the middle of it.  
Marco pulled the closet in front of the door to cover it… Like the table, and the sofa weren’t enough. Oh I shouldn’t talk, I would have done the same probably.  
We haven’t talked the whole way back, what happened got us both to shut up for a while. And I was still feeling sore from my nice flight back then.  
I took a sip of my water and began to make my way up the stairs to check for supplies. 

“So… Are they-…I mean… These people-…They were infected right?” Marco followed me.  
“Don’t call them like that…”  
“Infected?” 

I stopped and turned around to face him.  
“No…People.”  
“Oh…” 

I was searching in the bathroom and the bedroom for something useful but couldn’t find anything except for dirt and dead flies. There was a long silence between us before Marco spoke up again.  
“I wasn’t able to look at them that well- I mean- With the running and all.”  
“…” I walked into the next room. It seemed like the room of a teenager. There were a lot of posters covering the walls, some weird looking plushies and figures. This room kinda gave me the creeps. 

“That- That wasn’t your first time meeting them right?” Marco walked in front of me and his face came closer to mine again. Probably because I didn’t look at him and he wanted me to.  
I took a deep breath in again.  
“…No.”  
“Though so.” 

I continued searching while Marco watched me.  
“But we can be glad there were only some runners… Clickers would have been really difficult.” This time it was me breaking the silence.  
“Clickers? What’s that?”  
“Seriously?”  
“What?”

I started to laugh.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know about them.”  
“Well- “ Marco rubbed the back of his head. “Of course I did hear about the spores and all that but- No- I don’t really know anything about them.”  
“… You have to be fucking kidding me, it was all around the news , the weeks before-…you know.”  
“No I don’t know.”  
“Before they broke through the fucking wall!” Marco looked at me confused. What the hell is wrong with this guy? 

I rolled my eyes and set down on the old, wooden chair next to the Wallscroll of some dudes in swimsuits with weird hair colors. That looks like one of these shows Sasha used to watch… I decided not to think about it for too long and looked back at Marco. 

“Ok look, because I will only say that one time.”  
Marco set down on the floor and acted like a little boy on his first day of school.  
I continued. “Runners – well that’s what we call them - are the first stage of the turning. They are called like that because, guess what, they can run, and pretty fast as well...”  
\---  
_  
….  
‘Shit! SHIT what is up with them?! Why are they following us?’  
…  
_  
\---  
My mind went blurry again. This cold feeling.  
Just thinking about them- these things-… It makes all these memories I’ve tried to forget for so long come back.  
I looked down at my folded hands.

“They-… They still look a lot like humans…It’s actually…really scaring…” 

I felt a cold breath on my neck…  
\---  
_  
…  
‘S-stop scaring the shit out of me man. What the hell is wrong with you? Hey! Aren’t you listening I am talking to you!’  
‘Jean! Get away from him!’  
'What? What are you-?'  
'GET AWAY!'  
…  
‘SASHA NO! NO DON’T-!’  
***Peng***  
…  
No- Please-  
Stop it-  
Stop…  
_  
\---

I took a deep breath and looked back at Marco who was still waiting for me to continue.  
“Then there would be the Clickers…”  
“There are more than just runners?” Marco tilted his head a bit, he seemed confused.  
“Yeah…That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Do you even listen?” I rubbed my forehead before I took a deep breath in again.  
“These things- well…Let’s say you really don’t want to get close to them. We call them “Clickers” because all they do is making these weird clicking noises.” I scratched the back of my head. “I heard it’s because they are finding directions like that, you know, like bats…”  
“Why would they do that?” Marco seemed even more confused.  
“… The- They don’t have a face Marco.”  
“What do you mean?”

I bit my lips before I continued.  
“You know how this fungus is the cause of the infection? Well it grows all over your brain and when there isn’t any place to grow anymore…well… than you have to make some-“  
I looked down again.  
\---  
_  
…  
‘W-What- What is this thing?’  
…  
_  
\---  
“It smashes your face and grows all over it till the only thing they still can do is hearing. These things… don’t get close to them. They aren’t like runners-“  
\---  
_  
…  
‘NO! NO LET GO, LET ME GO BACK!’  
…  
_  
\---  
“If they get you-“  
\---  
_  
…  
‘Snap out of it! She’s dead! She’s fucking dead!’  
…  
_  
\---  
“…It’s game over.”  
\---  
_  
…  
‘GYAAAAAH-!’  
…  
‘NO!’  
…  
_  
\---  
….  
My hands were shaking…  
Why won’t they stop shaking?  
I thought I forgot…  
I thought it’s finally over…  
Why can’t I forget?

“Jean?”

“Huh?” I looked up, Marco was kneeling in front of me, looking straight into my eyes.  
“Are you- Are you ok?” His hand was on my shoulder.  
I blinked some times before I moved my hand up to my face to slowly wipe away the wetness under them.

Tears?

I looked at my hand in disbelieve before I rubbed the tears off of my face with the sleeve of my shirt.  
“It’s nothing.” I stood up to avoid the look on Marcos face. This look I knew so well. This ‘I-am-not-going-to-buy-this-shit-Jean’-Look. 

I walked up to the window. Since we were on the second floor the windows weren’t covered. It was actually really calming, being able to look out into the night sky without being scared of what could happen if you gaze for too long at the stares and the moon. 

“I didn’t finish. There is one more form an infected can reach. I haven’t seen one of them myself but I heard that they are big bodies, covered in fungus, and that they are pretty deadly. They did call them “Bloaters”… Let’s just try to avoid them.” 

I don’t know if Marco heard the last part I was saying. I am not even sure if he did pay attention to me. I was too busy finding a way to calm myself down, too busy finding something which makes me feel save, too busy finding a way to forget. 

Why is this so damn hard…  
I set down on the ledge and leaned my head against the window. It felt nice, the cool glass on my skin and somehow the air always seemed fresher if you’re sitting next to a closed window. I liked it.  
I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on what I was feeling right now, at this very moment.  
The cold glass on my cheek,  
My legs on the wooden ledge,  
My back leaned against the cold wall,  
A blanked covering my bod-  
Wait what?  
I opened my eyes again to make sure I wasn’t imagination things…again...  
But this time my feeling was right. There was a blanked covering me… 

_That’s Marco’s- … Did he-?_

My eyes traveled over to Marco who was sitting on the bed. He stretched himself before he laid down on it. The mattress was making a painful sound underneath the weight of the freckled boy’s body.  
There was a big silence between us. I waited some moments, I wasn’t quite sure for what, till I moved to stand up.

“Don’t even think about giving it back to me.”  
“Huh-?” I stopped immediately. 

Marco set up again and smiled at me.  
“If I get the bed it’s only fair when you get the blanked, right?”  
I hold the knitted blanked up.  
“You still have that thing?”  
“Mhm!” Marco just nodded with that big grin on his face and suddenly I realize that I was smiling back at him. Why would I-?  
I turned my face to the window that’s when I heard a chuckle coming from him. Was he making fun of me? Why the fuck am I questioning every single thing I do or hear, Jesus Christ, stop it Jean! 

“…Good night, Jean.” I heard from the other end of the room.  
I covered my body and my head with the blanked, while closing my eyes to prepare to sleep.  
“Night…”  
...  
….  
…..  
…….  
Yeah ‘Night’…Fuck it.  
I couldn’t sleep.  
It was impossible.  
These memories kept running through my mind.  
I set up and looked over at Marco, who was sleeping like a child, his hands folded under his head and his knees pulled up to his stomach.  
I couldn’t help but to smile at that. I know I keep telling myself that but...

This guy…  
Was really something else.  
I stood up and walked downstairs to check the entrance again…just in case of course…just to make sure everything is properly closed. Then I went back up and set down on the ledge again, I tried to close my eyes but no- It was no use… I couldn’t sleep.  
I looked around the room, till my eyes met the sleeping boy.  
I kept looking at him for a bit, it somehow made me feel calm. I mean, that wasn’t weird was it? No, No it wasn’t! Oh shut up.

‘NO!’ 

What was that?!  
I turned my head back at the window to look out of it. It was pitch black down there but I heard voices, I could clearly hear them. Screaming, running, shooting-  
‘GYAAH’  
‘krckkrckkrck’

That noise-  
Clickers.

The voices got louder and I grabbed my gun, just in case. When I looked back out of the window I saw Runners on the street, followed by some Clickers. They seemed to be … running after something.  
I looked closer till I saw them. 

People.

Three or four of them, all running from these things, trapped in the darkness of the city, screaming for their lives.  
So it was a hunt. 

One of the Runners catched someone, it seemed like a woman.

‘NO! No I don’t want to die! NO!’  
‘Helen no! SHIT- GAH!’ 

Shooting,  
Screaming,  
More Shooting.  
Till it was quiet again.  
Till their lifeless bodies were lying on the floor, surrounded by infected.

I couldn’t look at it. I felt like I had to throw up but instead I just bit into my finger to suppress the mental pain with physical.  
It was so quiet all of a sudden… Only these clicking noises and the sound of moaning and walking of infected was still filling the air with a scaring atmosphere.  
Till- 

“No, No it hurts don’t-!” 

I looked up.

Marco was moving around in his sleep, moaning and talking loud.  
“Please stop, I don’t want too! I don’t want too-“  
Oh no… Not this again…Not now!  
“Marco?”  
“STOP! STOP!” His voice got louder and louder, he kept throwing his arms around and turned from one side to another. 

_‘Krckkrckkrck’_  
….Shit.

My head turned immediately around again to look out of the window. 

Shit.

The clickers kept moving around our building. 

Shit shit shit!

I jumped off of the ledge and run over to Marco. “Marco! Marco wake up!”  
“No let go of me, let go!”  
“Marco it’s me, Jean!” I grabbed his shoulders and tried to shake him out of his sleep but all he did was hitting me in the face with his elbow.  
I fell back on the floor, rubbing my cheek. Damn that guy does hit hard. 

_‘Krckkrckkrck’_

Come on just go away you already killed tonight! Take a break!  
I looked out of the window. They will find out where we are if Marco doesn’t calm down soon.

Why won’t he wake up?  
Why won’t he calm down!  
What should I do, what should I do, think Jean think! 

“Don’t leave me!” Marco cried out in the dark room.  
“Please! Don’t leave me- !  
Jean-!”  
\---  
_‘JEAN!’_  
\---  
…  
….  
Don’t ask me how it happened or what has gotten into me at this moment but the next thing I remembered was how my arms were suddenly warped around the freckled boy, the blanked covering our bodies and the smell of his hair as his head was pushed against my chest.  
All I could feel was his fast heartbeat, his hot breathing even thought his skin was feeling cold, his hair tickling my nose as I embraced him and pulled him closer to myself, my hand on the back of his head.

What happened? Why did I-? When did I-? 

My face is burning, it had been ages since the last time I’ve been so close to a person, I don’t even know what to do in situations like this, god dammit why is it so hot in here all of a sudden?

“Don’t-“ Marco mumbled. His voice was weak but he seemed to have calmed down.  
Whatever I did, it helped. 

I stroke over his head and whispered, scared that the clickers could already be nearby, hearing every breath I take in and out.  
“Shh… I- I won’t. I’m here Marco. I’m here.” And just like that Marco seemed to have calmed down. His heartbeat was getting back to normal, his breathing was slow and steady, and I think it might have been my imagination but it seemed to me that he smiled a little against my chest.  
I waited. Waited for him to start screaming again, waited for the clickers to attack us, but all of that didn’t happen. It was quiet. So quiet that it almost scared me. I wanted to stand up again, walk back to the window, lean my head against it and close my eyes while listening to the scaring noises outside. But I couldn’t. My body didn’t let me. It felt like I didn’t had control over it anymore, no, instead of moving away I moved even closer to the other boy.  
I know it was weird! You don’t have to tell me that! And I was a terrible human being for doing what I did while he’s sleeping but-  
Well how can I say that-  
It felt good…  
N-Not like- you know- _Good_ \- good but just…  
Just nice.  
It was nice, having someone close to you, feeling another living person next to you. Remembering that there is actually still something called “living” in this world filled with death.  
It made me,  
feel save…  
Yeah… It really did.  
…  
….  
You’re getting weak, Jean.


End file.
